Joe*E (elmotheemo) wrote,

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when the sun is no more

ello everyone ...well i havent been here in awhile to write ...well here i go well in the past since i last wrote i have gotten a new job (HOT TOPIC) and i ended up single again oh well....better off i guess ... well i dont know im blahhh .....i dont know i feel wierd today .... today i woke up and it was 5:45 pm and i lost a day i dont know why but i freaked out it was horrible i was realy scared i dont know why ..... i just felt like i lost control of everything....i was just scared ....Well this past weekend was CUCAS wedding it was so pritty and i cryed so much lol it was bad ....she has such a great thing in the future for her .... it was fun ..... stayed in a crappy motel that felt like it was hell in the middle of no where ..... fonzie had the heat on so high i think i lost about 50 pounds......anyway she was realy realy pritty and her dress was so gourgous.....well the guys came down saturday night and we ended up going to the silver dollar diner .... it was good to be in my old nieghbor hood ..... i wish i had a chance to visit all my friends there that i miss ...... i ended up watching my pavilion movie and i forgot how much i missed all my old friends they were so nice and kewl to hang with and it was like blahhhh.... oh well i think ill give charly and raven acall later and see what they are up to to see if they want to spend some time together again like old times .....i dont know i really i have to figure things out about myself and others its just a blurr to me ... yes i do have to grow up and yes i do have to learn to make sence of things and well i think i totaly need a new way i dont know why it just makes sence to me that way ......maybe go somewhere for a little and figure things out .... not like a week just a day with my slef .... maybe like go to the woods or something like that visit my family or something the family that i havent tlked to in ages .... or even just go to the shore and walk and tlk ...... or u know maybe its time for me to go visit the psy again she would be helpufll maybe i dont know i just think maybe its all that ive been up to taking up all my energy and all of a sudden a breakdown .... i dont know its just odd for me the first true erey feeling in like maybe 5 months or so .. . i forgot how it feels well. as for a good note i have been doing a good job at hot topic and i was employee of the month ... and i ended up doing alot of fun stuff now me and chris are friends again i guess .... just his g/f is kinda anal in a way she thinks we are fucking i guess .... and he is like keeping his distance witch i dont like cause we were realy close and we use to hang out alot .....ive also seen ally who is the kewlest shes with this guy who looks like lurch from the adams family omg his grill is so busted and she lauphed when i said that .... GOd christmas is coming up and im realy not in the mood for it this year .... i dont know its hard to celebrate anymore with out my family .... By family i know that i have my aunts and uncles but i mean my real family...MY mom and my sisters and brothers we havent had a real family ... or a real christmas .... i dont know its just hard to think of with out crying and i miss it ....... i feel bad for my brother who has to spend christmas with my aunt and uncle and there kids .... hes sees how they get a different type of love that he doesnt he has never had a true christmas and he hasnt had it with the family like his mom his sisters his brothers .....all at once ....... its just a bad holiday for me i dont know i get moody and depressed and now living out of the house with out real family its kinda scary i dont know what i am exspected to do ......its a big step........of course i have my friends but its not the same i miss christmas with my mom and my sisters and brothers .........i feel bad too because i fergotten the day of the dead to put roses on my moms grave ......well i guess thats all for now ...... so well i will see u all later

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